Ah, eclipse glasses! Those flimsy, seemingly magic spectacles that transform the blazing ball of fire in the sky into a manageable, bite-sized cookie that you can safely nom-nom with your eyes. But as you strap on your cosmic goggles, ready to witness the celestial ballet, it’s crucial to remember that these glasses are not your all-access pass to superhero abilities. So, before you go channeling your inner Galileo, let’s talk about a few activities you should definitely avoid while donning your stylish eclipse eyewear. And you can buy them for the appropriate activity in our Eclipse Essentials Shop.
1. Driving: The Not-so-Fast and the Furious First and foremost (and we’re not kidding about this!), driving with eclipse glasses is a hard no. Yes, we know the temptation to feel like a space-age pilot navigating through the stars is strong. But unless your vehicle of choice is the Millennium Falcon, and your co-pilot is a Wookiee who can navigate by smell, it’s best to keep the eclipse glasses off while behind the wheel. Remember, the only objects you should be dodging are potholes, not asteroids. If you can see something other than the sun with them on, then you’ve got knock-offs and you need to buy a recommended pair.
2. Cooking: The Great Galactic Bake-Off Attempting to whip up a soufflé or even just frying an egg while wearing eclipse glasses might seem like a good idea to bring some cosmic charm into your cuisine. However, unless you enjoy a side of singed eyebrows with your meals or fancy a guessing game of “Is this chicken or is this salmonella?” it’s probably wise to keep the eclipse viewing and cooking as separate events.
3. Flirting: Love at First Sight? We get it, those glasses make you feel mysterious, a mysterious observer of the cosmos. But trying to lock eyes with your crush through a pair of eclipse glasses might not send the romantic signal you’re hoping for. Unless your idea of a perfect date involves silently staring at each other, unable to see anything but the sun, save the stargazing for the actual stars at night.
4. Swimming: The Solar Plunge It might seem like a novel idea to take a dip while watching the eclipse, but here’s a fun fact: eclipse glasses do not double as snorkels or goggles. Plus, trying to find your way in a pool with the visual capacity of a mole rat is not exactly a splash hit. Keep the glasses for dry land, where the only waves you have to navigate are those of awe from the cosmic show.
5. Performing Surgery: A Cut Above the Rest Now, we’re not saying there are many amateur surgeons out there, eagerly donning their eclipse glasses as they prepare for open-heart surgery. But on the off chance you’re contemplating a career switch mid-eclipse, please reconsider. The only thing you should be cutting while wearing eclipse glasses is the tension with a well-timed joke.
6. Bird Watching: The Eclipse Aviary Adventure To all the bird enthusiasts out there, we understand the desire to see if our feathered friends also enjoy the eclipse. However, bird watching through eclipse glasses is akin to trying to read War and Peace through a keyhole—frustrating and ultimately futile. Save your bird watching for a less celestial day.
In conclusion, eclipse glasses are a wonderful tool for the singular purpose of eclipse watching. They are not, however, a Swiss Army Knife for your day-to-day activities. So, when the cosmic dance begins, by all means, strap on those glasses and enjoy the show. Just make sure that’s all you’re doing. And remember, when in doubt, taking off the eclipse glasses is probably the bright choice.
